The Transition...

School went on and so did the everyday things of college. The days seemed to fly by with classes and outside obligations. The balance was still a struggle because of all the stress I had been going through back at home. There were several weekends where I had to go home so I could see my father. I remember having phone conversations with him and he would always sound so upset and angry about how everything was playing out. I have never been so frustrated with everything because nothing seemed to be working. Over the summer the doctors told him and the family that he only had a couple years to live. His cancer was now classified as stage 4, which means it is not curable. They tried chemotherapy over the summer and it did not work. They then went to radiation and it minimized it but had deathly side effects. His body began to slim down and each week began to look more and more sick. I felt as though I was losing my father before he was actually even gone. I was so sad that I could not spend everyday with him because I was at school.

Around mid-November, I remember my mom told me my dad was in the hospital again. He was in the process of trying to live alone still but he was having troubles taking care of himself. I remember the frustration running through my body again and I just wanted to let it out. She told me I should talk to him over the phone so he could hear my voice. The conversation we had was very minimal. He seemed so disoriented and confused as if he almost didn't even know who I was. I told him I loved him and I would see him soon. I drove up to Fort Wayne that night to go see him at the hospital. When I got to the hospital I talked to my mom to see how things were going. He apparently had a mini-stroke and passed out in his household and hit his head pretty hard. According to the doctors everything was ok and he should be out in a couple days. I then went into his room to see how he was doing and he looked so tired. I have never seen him look so exhausted in his life. I knew this time was different unfortunately... I could feel it... I knew things were changing...